if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
