I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
