she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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