There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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