Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
