I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
