He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
