I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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