Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
