She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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