I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
