I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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