Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
