do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
