everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
