8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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