This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
