My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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