so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize