Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
