It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
nutella sex= disaster
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
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