Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
