Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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