And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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