u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
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I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
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I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.