Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.