Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I wish they made helmets for livers.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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