you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.