i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.