matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?