I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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