Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
