Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
