you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
