It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
When did angry sex become our thing?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
