Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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