I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
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I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
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There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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