Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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