Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
