I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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