awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
