hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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