Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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