i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
This beer is not sobering me up at all
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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