i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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