btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
