Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
so much tequila, so little girl.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
