she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
