I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
