He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
