im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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