Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I wear drunk well.
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