wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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