I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
