So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
