I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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