I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
