ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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