goodnight i made you a song goodbye
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
