True but thats because hes a fetus.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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