One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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