i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
