I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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