We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
