tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
