Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
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I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
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Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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