I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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