This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
