Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
