I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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