and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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